it’s all in your head

“it’s all in your head.”
they said.

“it’s only in your mind.”
they said.

but what i fail to see
is how they fail to see
that inside the head,
inside the mind,
is the worst place it could be?

the mind i thought
was only my own.
the head i thought
only i reside in.

infested with monsters
and creatures
that control how i think,
how i see the world.

they taint my vision
with a dark edge,
make me see the world
with me standing on a high ledge.

my mind became a scary place,
the corners that i used to hide in
when the world caves in
suddenly seemed unfamiliar.

always afraid that if i turn,
the monsters would close in
and i’d lose what grip i had
on the mind that’s now barely my own.

“it’s all in your head.”
“it’s only in your mind.”
but they don’t see
that with it in my mind,
is destruction of the worst kind.

– s.c.m.

(photo from favim)

The Moment She Knew

The moment she knew, the world changed right before her eyes. The universe felt foreign, she was lost like a child in a world she didn’t know. She didn’t know anything else but the fact that she didn’t have the same place in your heart. For a moment, she didn’t know who she was, where she was or why she was there. The sky looked wrong. The clouds which used to remind her of life now weighed her down.

The moment she knew, you began to look like a different person. She could not see the person you used to be. Maybe you’ve changed for a while now, but the change only became evident in her eyes when she saw the words. Your arms that used to be the safest place in the world looked different. She wondered, how long has it been since those arms weren’t home to her fragile soul? How long since you became somebody else?

The moment she knew, her trust crumbled. What used to be strong and confident turned weak and fragile and insecure. Suddenly, she was alone. For the longest time, she never stood alone. She always had you. She knew no matter what happens, you will have her back. But now, there was nobody there. She stood on the ledge without harnesses, the cruelty of the world on her feet, threatening to throw her out of balance, to send her spiralling down the chasm.

The moment she knew, she died. She did. The world slowed down. Her heart stopped beating. Her lungs rejected air. Her feet buckled. She felt numb all over. For a moment, she was gone, her existence reduced to nothingness.

You lost everything. Her love, her trust, her. The moment she knew, you lost every kiss, every hug and everything else she had promised you for the rest of your life.

The moment she knew, you became no one to her. And just the same, she became no one, too.

words by scm

 photo from tumblr

static

it’s all static noise now,
ever since you left.
i stare at the empty space beside me,
and my agony couldn’t be kept.

i screamed and i screamed,
and i clawed at my throat,
but the noise of your absence couldn’t be drowned out.
it went on and on; a single, devastating note.

– s.c.m.

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for when you feel nothing

Read this when you feel nothing.   And by nothing, I mean everything at once.   When the walls you’ve slowly built around your fragile heart have been bombarded yet again by the painful words.   When you thought you were strong enough to just ignore them, but still, the walls crumble, still, the walls […]

she doesn’t cry gently

she doesn’t cry gently, she wasn’t fit for those lines in the books, where the girls silently weep, still keeping utmost grace and poise she cries like a child, loud and messy, and in a way, it was more painful to watch, because you can see her ripping to pieces, her cries and sobs like […]